I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
