It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
