...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
