I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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