I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
