Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We left the knife in your bed.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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