Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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