life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
