ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
