Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
