First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I want her autograph on my taint
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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