i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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