I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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