So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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