What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
