Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
