drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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