Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you guys were way drunker than both of me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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