Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
