69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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