I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
