I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
