i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
