She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
