420 ftw
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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