the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Shame - the story of my life.
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