i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
