I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
