I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
