I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I wear drunk well.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
