just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
