New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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