So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
