made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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