Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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