I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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