you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
