My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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