I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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