thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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