nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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