Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
