there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
