Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
