I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
