OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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