I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
