Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
