I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
