I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
