he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
