Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
