Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
