Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
