I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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